Cruising the South Seas
I never had much interest in doing a cruise on a mega ship, but my good friend Kate wanted to take this cruise from Seattle to Sydney with stops at several islands in the Pacific. I figured then I could spend several weeks driving around New Zealand before I came back. We met at Union Station to take the train to Seattle. The train was an hour late but we had plenty of time to get to the ship. The train actually actually made up a bit of time. In Seattle we took Lyft to the ship, as I had been wanting to change from Uber after all their sexual harassment issues. The driver was young and energetic and full of information. We got to the ship around 2 and boarding was a snap. We probably should have brought more wine with us but we obeyed the rules, 2 bottles per cabin. The ship was enormous, 3200 passengers, 2000 crew, and it was not full. Oh well another new experience.
We met up with another friend of Kate’s, Sharon, who was traveling alone. Shortly after sailing, there was a lifeboat drill and I almost froze as I had left my coat in the room. The cabin was large with a little balcony that I enjoyed more than I expected. Dinner the first night we shared a table with a retired lawyer and his wife from eastern Washington. He thought legal cases were about winning and losing and not much about guilt or innocence. The escargot were fine and the prime rib looked right, was tender, but not much flavor. No one liked their Atlantic salmon. The main promenade felt like a cheap casino with jewelry stores, watch stores, tacky “art” stores, bars, and desks selling shore tours, next cruises, and health and beauty related junk.
Saturday was blustery and cold. We discovered we could walk around the whole ship on deck 4 with a flight of stairs up and down by the bow for a half mile round trip, getting our steps. At lunch I started to notice the discrepancy between what the menu said and what actually came out. Grilled barramundi came out breaded and pan fried, this went on for the whole trip. At dinner the lobster bisque was brown and completely inedible. I could feel the artichoke crepes in my mouth but there was no taste except raw flour. I had to tell the waiter 4 times, i did not want anything else. The cheese plate had a nice aged cheddar, a decent blue and three white slices with no flavor what so ever and there was no “fig and date compote”. So then we went to the show. The headliner was famous for singing the theme for “Happy Days” and that was about it. His voice was probably good 20 years ago but he was in his 70’s now and it showed. His imitation of Mick Jagger doing the theme from “Happy Days” was a hoot.
Sunday I hit the small gym first thing and it was quite busy, although everyone seemed to be using very light weights. I decided to try the sit down breakfast instead of the buffet. I ordered the eggs over easy and the corned beef hash. I was not expecting much but one egg had the yolk broken so it was hard. The corned beef hash had been scooped out of the can and not even heated, and the hash browns were a cold mat. The people next to me ordered a side of sausage and got 8 gray tootsie rolls which they never touched. Two tables over, a woman whose belly came almost to her knees when she sat, ate three full breakfasts. I skipped lunch. Kate went to get her haircut, she waited 25 minutes past her appointment time. Then they argued about whether to charge her for short or medium length hair, although I don’t know what difference that makes for a cut. They tried to up sell all kinds of products, and when she didn’t buy any they sent her out with wet hair, a $60 dollar bill and a mandatory tip. Several laps around the ship and a couple of gin and tonics and I was ready for dinner. We met an interesting couple from Australia and the conversation was good. The arugula and bosc pear salad had arugula and some tiny hard green pear pieces, not Bosc. The cilantro crusted cod loin tasted like the crepes from the previous night. I had to tell the waiter I wanted nothing else, nothing, nothing, go work on nothing. When he came asking about desert, he asked if i liked chocolate and when I said no he was completely flummoxed. He put a fork and spoon down in front of me so I left. I skipped the show.
Monday was warmer and sunny. After working out I decided to try the buffet breakfast again. The fruit was good especially the pineapple. There was no grilled salmon, only smoked, which tasted a little off. The rolls were stale and when I peeled the boiled egg it was brown. I wanted to lose weight but am starting to worry about starvation. Fortunately I hit the salad bar for lunch. The ice show in the afternoon was quite impressive especially for such a small space. A couple of the girl skaters looked like they were 11 years old and when one was being swung around by her feet the guy accidentally hit her head on the ice, ooof. Kate scored a couple of free Negronis with her diamond (frequent cruiser) status. The dinner menu had samosas but when I asked the waiter if they were the real thing he said no and indeed they were only tiny triangles of filo with a bit of mush inside. I decided to try the strip steak and after I sent the first one back I finally got a really good dinner. I just hope I can find more than steak. The salads do seem to be consistently good. The people at dinner are all pretty interesting to talk to. The show was another over the hill geezer. They have a formula, play something everybody knows (Hey Jude) get everybody clapping and singing along and then they don’t notice the headliner couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
By Tuesday I figured out what was good and what was not in the food department, never get anything with a fancy description. Everywhere you go they are trying to sell you something. You get a cocktail they want to sell you a drink package, You buy wine they have a package for that. Half the classes in the gym cost extra. Anytime you buy something they add 18.5%. On top of that they charge you $16.50 a day for gratuities just for being there. I think the gratuities probably cover the entire staff wages as most of them are from third world countries. Internet is $20 a day but I have resisted so far. We are 1000 miles from land in every direction, the water is over 18,000 feet deep and we haven’t seen another ship or even a plane in days. Cabin fever is setting in.
Oahu
We got off the boat first thing in Honolulu but the Hertz shuttle didn’t come until 8:30. We made a brief stop at the Iolani Palace which has been completely restored. We didn’t have a reservation for the tour as I didn’t know when or if we could get there. We then went to the Honolulu Museum of Art to get in the van to Shangri La, Doris Duke’s mansion overlooking Diamond Head. It has the best collection of Islamic art in the US. It is really spectacular, both the art and the setting. By 1pm we were back on the road headed for the north shore, the best part of Oahu. We stopped at a shrimp truck for spicy garlic shrimp. You suck the garlic off, peel, dip in butter and eat, yummmmy. We picked up two kinds of Poke and some beer at the grocery next door and ate at picnic tables. The north shore doesn’t feel too touristy and the beaches are beautiful and uncrowded. The Old Sugar Mill is the place to get Waialea coffee, $40 a pound $55 for peaberry. We got there 10 minutes after closing but they took care of us anyway. It was getting dark so we headed back to the big city and my favorite sushi place Izakaya Nonbei. We ate like we never saw food and drank plenty of sake, $145 for three. We got the car back right at 9pm and took Lyft back to the boat, a perfect day of all my Oahu favorites.
Maui
They said we could not get off on Maui until 9:30 but I went down to the boat deck just after 7 caught the first shuttle, and was on land by 7:30. I had a nice smoothie and a cappuccino while I waited for Kate and Sharon. When we rented the car, Budget told us we could not drive around the north shore as the road was too narrow, so we took the arid and boring road, eventually getting on the road to Hana after about an hour. We stopped to watch some excellent surfing and I got a great coconut. After I slurped the juice he cut up the meat and it was tender and delicious. We stopped at another tiny grocery for lunch and I had the Plate Lunch, a Hawaiian tradition. This one had dark chicken meat stewed with baby yams and mushrooms, with rice and salad, $11. Eventually we tore ourselves away from the spectacular coast line and drove thru some of the inland towns and countryside. We got caught in a 30 minute back up outside of Kahului before stopping at the Bailey House Museum. It dates from 1832 and originally was a girls school, a local gave us a wonderful tour. We wanted to hike the Ioa Valley but were warned about the traffic back to Lahaina so we just drove thru. Sure enough traffic crawled most of the way back. I would describe Maui as a giant traffic jam with occasional beautiful scenery. At the pier we found an old bar with $4 Mai Tai’s for happy hour and had two before getting the last shuttle back to the boat.
So then there were seven days of open ocean. I was going to work on my tan but we only had one day of sun. There were $2 mimosas at 11:30, half price daiquiris at 2, Kate’s free drinks at 5 and wine we had to buy for dinner. The books in the library were slim pickings but I found a few. Work out, eat, walk, drink, eat, walk, drink, read, drink, eat, repeat. I still have not done any internet which is a good thing.
Fiji
We docked at Lautoka, Fiji, early on Saturday, and picked up our car from Budget. They were super nice but did not have the mini SUV we requested, we took a Korean mini car. Heading east we stopped at the Garden of the Sleeping Giant (named after the mountain in the background). It was $10 each and a lovely walk thru an extensive orchid garden. Bula means hello and everyone greets you wherever you go. Everyone waves as you drive by, and sometimes the kids jump up and down while they wave to you. We stopped at Nadi, a grubby commercial town to change some money and then headed into the interior, looking for local villages.
We stopped at a small grocery to get Kava powder for the village headman and some water for us. It took some time to communicate as my pronunciation of yaqona powder was wildly off base. The shopkeeper and her children were delightful. The road soon turned to very rough gravel. We asked a kid for directions at a fork in the road and he pointed back the way we came, but we trusted Google maps. After 25 km of rough road we came to a dead end where they pointed out that we were on a parallel road to where we wanted to be and needed to go all the way back to Nadi. That seemed risky so we went back thru Lautoka and Ba. Just outside of Ba the road turned very rough again. We were again following Google maps as there was no signage and the roads were a maze. The mountain scenery was stunning. With only one wrong turn we finally reached Navala, the only village left in all the Fijian islands where people still live in thatched Bures. It was a complete step back in time. They did charge $15 each for the visit but when we signed the logbook we noticed that they only get visitors a couple times a week. We gave the head woman the kava powder and they mixed up a batch to share with us and the few villagers sitting under a shelter. Kava is supposed to be mildly narcotic and it did make our lips numb. They walked us around the village and we visited a family inside one of the bures. It was threatening rain, and I did not want to tackle the road back if it was wet so we did not eat with them. There was no cell reception so I had to remember the route back. It was so dusty we stopped at one of the tiny grocery stores and picked up a couple of Fiji Bitters, as the Aussies would say they were a good drop. Five minutes after we opened the beers we drove thru a police stop but they just waved us on. We were beat but it was a memorable day.
Suva
The next port of call was Suva on the other side of the island. We had wanted to stay off and drive to Suva (3 hours) but the cruise line said no. There was some delay docking in the morning as there was a container ship in our berth, but we hustled down the gangplank as soon as they released us. The touts were accosting us instantly but we blew them off. In Fiji everyone goes to church on Sunday and the town was locked up. Kate spotted a bread kitchen on a side street that was open so we went in for breakfast. Two coffees, two onion cheese rolls, a lamb sausage roll and a chili chicken pie, all fresh out of the oven came to $5. From there we walked past the parliament building, thru Thurston Gardens (beautiful) to the Fiji National Museum. The museum, $5 each, had an extensive collection of Fijian artifacts. The main hall had various types of boats including the last twin hull ocean crossing boat built in 1900. The gallery with the bark cloth tapestries was amazing. I bought a reproduction cannibal fork in the shop $30. From there we walked to the presidential palace to take a picture of the guard in the white sarong, then along the sea front stopping for two beers at the Grand Pacific Hotel (built in 1910.) We were getting hungry and everything was still closed so we caught a taxi to the Royal Suva Yacht Club. I had a platter of sticky pork ribs with mash and slaw, $17. All the customers were locals.
We walked out to look for a taxi and one appeared quickly. We asked to see some sights and he took us to a lookout over the harbor and our ship. Then we suggested he drive along the coast. Eventually he suggested Orchid Island but he was not sure if it was open. We got there just as a tour bus pulled out. It was a Fijian operated tourist site, and we got a personal tour with a Fijian and his American wife and their kids, very informative. Then there was a show with dancers, fire walkers and singers. The fire walkers were meh, but the dancers were great. It was $10 each. We took the taxi back to Cumming Street but all the shops were closed, so we went to the handicraft shop the tout from the morning wanted to steer us into. They were bargaining and we got some good deals on locally made stuff. I wanted a beer before we got back on the boat so we stopped at a joint, the first room looked like Chick-Fil A, the second room looked like Denny’s and the third room looked like a local bar. We ordered 2 beers and they said “happy hour started in 10 minutes” so we said we would wait. They brought the beers and I idly looked at the food menu. They had Kokoda, Wahu marinated in lemon juice, served in coconut milk and chili. The $5 serving was huge, spicy, and the best thing we had eaten in weeks.
Loyalty Islands
Tuesday we were supposed to stop at uninhabited Inyeug Island, the southern most island of Vanuatu. However there was a medical emergency and they detoured to get within helicopter distance of New Caledonia so the individual could be evacuated. Later I heard four people had already died on this trip, I think the have a freezer for them. Among the living there is so much coughing and sniffing, maybe a quarter have some kind of respiratory infection. Hopefully I can get off before I’m contaminated too. Anyway another boring day at sea, more mimosas and still no sun. Cabin fever was back with a vengeance for both of us. When we went for cocktails I taught the bartender to make a Grumpy Frenchman and he gave me a free one as a thank you.
Wednesday we stopped at Lifou, the largest of the Loyalty Islands in the Coral Sea. It is the world’s largest coral atoll and has been pushed up as the pacific plate slides under it. I went on a tour which was a nature walk, we stopped every 20 feet for 10 minutes of insipid talk. When we got to the secret grotto, the cave was smaller than my living room. Then a local elder showed up and he had a coconut crab for us to see. They eat coconut, can climb trees and grow to four or five kilos. We learned three ways to trap them as well as some other native hunting tricks. Back at the landing I found a coconut crab for lunch. I had walked past the place as the menu board only listed sausage and fries, but Kate miss read it and when we went back I spotted the crab. It was only half a crab but the big claw was the size of my fist. I could barely finish it. With salad, rice, yams, and fruit, $30, washed down with the local brew. After eating all that I felt like someone let the air out of me so I took a nap.
Thursday we stopped at Mare, the second largest Loyalty Island. It is part of New Caledonia, an overseas department of France. There were no tours except a $16 shuttle to the local beach. The cruise line said there was nothing to see but Lonely Planet listed many places to see. I was first off the boat, walked a couple of miles down the coast and back, taking a few breaks along the way, and had my 10,000 steps by 10:30. The locals would not let you walk into their village and the cruise company had barred them from coming close to the jetty, which I guess was why there was no one to hire to drive me around to the sights. After my walk I had a beer at the one stand, $5 for 8 ounces. At least the weather finally turned out nice. Kate said the beach was picture postcard perfect. I was really sick of being constantly herded and hustled for money by the cruise line. That evening I went back to my favorite bartender and taught him to make a negroni with Aperol and dry vermouth. He then showed me a drink with gin, vodka, Lillet, a dash of Pernod, and sour mix, no name but very tasty. After two more very boring days at sea, we finally reached Sydney. One interesting side note, after three weeks without internet, the news was the same as when I left home. So three weeks at sea and a few ports and it was a new experience. I met some interesting people, worked out and walked everyday. I’m glad I did it but probably would not do it again.
Sydney
We pulled into the harbour just as dawn was breaking and it is one of the most dramatic harbours in the world. 6:30 am I was off the boat, took a cab to the historic Castlereagh Hotel and dropped my bags. Breakfast was a salad with arugula, avocado, asparagus, bacon and perfectly poached eggs, yum. Darling harbour was a short walk and lined with restaurants and bars. I stopped in the Maritime Museum which was free and well done. You could pay to get on some old ships, but I have done that many times. Then I crossed the harbour on an old swing bridge that is now pedestrian only. A steep climb brought me to the observatory, moderately interesting and great views of the harbour. From there I wandered down to Circular Quay looking for a harbour tour. The public ferry system no longer did one so I bought a ticket to Parramatta, the farthest suburb they served. I got off there the stretch my legs, it was a 90 minute trip. I saw a group of tents and went to check them out. It was a gay rally for the upcoming referendum on marriage equality.
y the time I got back to Circular Quay, I had 15,000+ steps so I took a taxi back to the hotel. I never found the Thai place I was looking for for dinner so I settled on a Korean place by the hotel. I ordered the spicy seafood and noodles. They said it was big and I was really hungry. It was ginormous, could have served four people. I ate all the seafood and noodles but could not finish the broth and cabbage, but I gave it a go. I had way over done it on steps and stairs. I slept like the dead and could barely move the next morning. Three Advil and a hot shower and I started to move a bit. Breakfast was at a little Greek place across from the Queen Victoria Building, a marvelous stone structure two block long and a block wide. Great exterior but apparently just shops and offices inside.
I planned to spend the day doing mostly parks and museums. I first stopped at the ANZAC memorial in a very nice park. Across the street was the Australian National Museum which had a very good exhibit on the first Australians, as they are now called. Like everywhere else, the Australians treated their native population very badly, taking the children away from their families, forbidding the use of their language, and generally trying to erase the culture. Somehow they survived and are making a comeback. By this time it was over 90 degrees and I was flagging. I stopped while walking thru a park called the Domain and watched a game of netball. Like basketball but no backboard and players have to stay three feet away from each other, long arms are a big help. From there it was a short walk to the botanical garden on the peninsula that ended with the opera house. The garden was great and included an orchid house. Government house (where the governor of NSW lives) is in the garden too. I walked around the opera house but passed on the tour. I would have liked to see a couple of more museums and an outdoor sculpture exhibit at Bondi beach, but the heat got to me. I went back to the hotel to take a nap but they were tearing the building next door down and the noise and vibration were brutal. Dinner was at Cyren on Darling Harbour, Oysters and Barramundi. The fish had a crispy skin and was still very moist, with three drinks $75.
Sydney is a nice town for 3 or 4 days. The prices look like the US but their dollar is worth 25% less and no tax or tip. Minimum wage is over $17 so people are paid enough to live without tips.